The Three Musketeers 3D - 'meh

3 Musketeers

Recently I watched the latest rendition of the 3 Musketeers. There have been many re-imaginings of this in Hollywood throughout the years. Some good, some not so good. This one was creatively titled “3 Musketeers 3D”. It was exactly what it was made to be: a big-budget, easily retold story that could be done in 3D. That’s what I appreciated about it; it didn’t try to be anything more than it was. It was playful with lots of sword fighting, 3D effects, intrigue, some laughs and a love story.

That being said, it wasn’t very good. The dialogue was forced, several parts of the story were beyond unrealistic and even distracting in how far-fetched they were, and the entire time I kept comparing it to the 3 Musketeers filmed in the 90s with Keifer Sutherland as Athos, Charlie Sheen as Aramis, that other guy as Porthos and Chris O’Donnell as D’artagnon and Rebecca de Morney as Milady. That rendition - the 1993 one - was good, not a masterpiece of action/adventure filmmaking, but still a memorable and fun movie. This movie - 3 Musketeers 3D - left me with a smug smirk as if watching a cover band use fireworks to distract the audience from it’s obvious lack of talent. 

Any remake of a film shouldn’t bring us back to the previous rendition of the film and force us to compare scenes, dialogue or storyline. Yet, I couldn’t help but measure each memorable scene in this movie to the previous rendition feeling like they didn’t get it right.

I wasn’t expecting much going in to it and that’s what I got.

See this if:

-you want to not think for a little while

-you want to be entertained by lots of special effects in 3D and have nothing else to do

-you liked any of the Transformers movies (it’s basically the same movie with guys in funny hats and swords rather than alien cars shooting at each other)

-you want to see Orlando Bloom make a fool of himself in what might be his worst role or performance ever (he’s one of the bad guys)

Don’t see this if:

-you’re looking for a good telling of the Alexandre Dumas classic (wait another ten years for the next one to come out, it might be better, but it might not) 

-bad dialogue drives you nuts

-you despise the idea of the French winning anything besides a cooking contest